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2005年11月 III The Best the WorseAnnie continued to make great progress as she grew older. She was a late walker due to her late beginning. But around 18 months she took her first steps. Up until then, she would crawl, very fast, wherever she wanted to be, and that was usually following me around the house. She would look up with her beautiful large green eyes and say "Uppy Ma ma" Mama, that word, it brought such joy to my heart.My love for Annie was such that I had never experienced. I admit that up until this time I was a self centered person. I really allowed the world to revolve around me. But then I found this love. No greater love have I. I say to this day, that if God came to me at any time during this time or the present and said, JC I will take you back and give you a child of your own, to give birth to, I would say NO, thank you, I have my child and she is the one I know is for me. I also realized just how much my mother loved me. I was adopted and although my parents were so good to me and had proved their love in so many ways thru the years, still in my own mind I thought I was merely taking the place of the child they could not have. I now know how wrong that was and is. My love for Annie so so unselfish. I would gladly give my life for her if necessary. I did not even remember what life was without her. she was my sun, my moon, my whole purpose in life. I was in love with her. I was the mommy I always wanted to be. Or was I?
The case had indeed taken a twist that I had been told was okay. Yet in my heart, the fear was becoming very real and I found myself obsessing over the case. I would be in my car and carry out conversations with the judge, or workers, screaming what are you crazy? The visits continued with the bios, two times a week. They were at a special place, where foster children visit with their bios undersupervision. I would drive her there most of the time. However my job was time consuming so at times a transportere would take her. I became very chummy with the transporter, a secretary and quite a few workers. They all were in the same mind as I, hoping Annie would not be returned to these people.
During that period I took in another baby. A boy names Jonny. He was very cute. I knew he was temp. so I did care for him as a mommy should but my heart was not invested as it was with Annie. After about four or five months Jonny went to live with his grandparents. Years later I would run into him, the grandparents and his wacko dad who was getting full custody that day in court. Amazing. This dad was a nut case, and a crack head. He had brought the child with him many times to the crack house. Yet there he was in court getting full custody. Great system isn;t it?
Well we had court every three months to review the case and also to try and change the goal to TPR. This was the GAL now doing what she could to get the goal changed.
Now the department also wanted TPR, at least the current worker. But a higher up, was pro bio, so she would not allow the goal to be changed. She was also looking for a promotion and this was to play a key role in this case.
During this time I also had a teen foster daughter. T. she was great. We had a lot of fun and that is when I found out I am NOT cool. She loved Annie very much and wanted to stay wtih me forever. Eventually after about a year, she went to a group home as I was in too much turmoil to have a teen to deal with as well. To this day we are friends. She has graduated High School and is currently going to college.
Now, the bio father tested positive many times, yet always the atty for them would somehow convince everyone, esp. the judge to give him "one more chance" Dear God, how many chances do these people get" And again at the child;s expense.
One day a staffing was scheduled. That very day a new worker was handed the file and given the case. He had three hours to review the case before the staffing. This was a key moment and major slip in the case. Now, the higher up I mentioned was the one that held these staffings. We went around the room, introduced ourselves and made our own reports. My statement was that I was so very confused as to why these parents were allowed to take a six month case plan into two years, still not achieveing the goals set for them. The GAL at this time stated she was convinced the best interest of the child was TPR. That the parents had not changed and the law stated under such circumstances we should go TPR. So then we all agreed that at this time the parents had yet to exemplify the ability to parent a child safely. The mom was so medicated that she would fall asleep during visits and the dad continued to use drugs and be his wacky self. He always blamed all the things on his wife. When brought up the the situation to the atty for the parents she was very prepared. She stated, well okay, you all think they are not capable. Can we please bring in JM, a woman who worked for another agency that appears to be the best evaluator in such cases. The atty said, "If JM says they cannot do it, well then we will go TPR"
Well it just happened to turn out that the woman I mentioned, the higher up, she was more than happy to oblige this request as later we found out she was currently applying to that agency for a very high position. See the problem and bias. Then when it came to the new case worker, since he had no info on this case as of yet, he went along with the idea. I was once again shocked.
These parents were convicted child abusers. They had taken a sodering iron to the back of their two year old multiple times, the child had two black eyes, a bruise on her chest that was an obvious punch mark and an oozing, infected, untreated wound on her side. She was also deaf due to lack of medical attention and multiple ear infections. The younger baby had diapers that were litteraly stuck to her bottom as they had not been changed in a few days. The bio mom was preggers at the time. So when the dept. came in and removed these kids they placed both in an adopt home and gave that parent the ability to take the new born when he was born. She did just that. The parents were arrested and jailed and were later found guilty. THe only reason they got a lesser conviction was because their atty brought in a specialist that stated the burn marks would heal and no scarring would be left. Apparently that is a matter in such cases. Years later, I found out her scars were very large and real. They never left or healed away.
Now if we asked the parents how this could happen, both remarked they could not remember. Now the mom perhaps so, as her mental illness was untreated at the time. But the dad had no excuse. It is to this day my belief that he did all that while under the infulence of crack. Now back to the staffing. There we were. Now the whole case rested on this one lady. What I later found out, too late, and did it really matter as no one listened to me. The atty for the parents had already presented to this lady JM, about this poor poor mentally ill parents, they were so nice and both were stable and the department was picking on them and they were not being given a fair chance. So this woman, JM, turns out to be a champion for the mentally ill.
Of course six months later at the next court, JM stood before the judge and stated these parents were no longer unstable, she had seen such a bond between the child and her parents. This was where I screwed up. I helped them learn to hug Annie and also was very nice to them with Annie so since I accepted them so did Annie. When someone brought up the other children, JM actually said and I quote: So what, yeah I saw the pictures, but they were mentally ill and not medicated. They are no longer the same." The picture she is referring to is that of the then two year old with two black eys, her shirt is off shoiwng this large bruise and one tear is rolling down her sweet face. It is and was heartbreaking to see. I was beginning to hate her and my Christianity was taking a rough round as I harbored very ill feelings towards JM. Apparently she too harbored the same to me. I was a threat to her case because my care for Annie was so good and the parents could never give Annie what I had been given. Heck, the mom could not even keep her own hygeine up, how was she to care for a child.
The judge than allowed the case to be changed to reunifcation. OH MY GOD! If I state I was beyond panic you cannot even imagine my feelings. I was beside myself. Also during this time the new worker had finally read up on the case and he wanted to change the goal, but the higher up, the one that wanted her promotion with the agency JM worked for, well she was the block.
At one time in court, the case worker started to state this to the judge and he was gagged by DCF atty. The judge did pick up on this and held a special court date to hear all sides.
I thought for sure this was to be our day. Now I had been in a womans prayer group along with four other foster adopt moms, my cousin and a few others. We prayed and prayed for my Annie and of course their foster adopt situations plus of course other requests. I was very close with the Lord at this time. First of course my grattitude when I believed this placement was going to be an easy adoption, then when I knew I needed HIM to intervene. I truly to this day believe this was a spiritual battle.
Now the court date to hear both sides was scheduled Aug. 10th, just so happened to be my birthday. Could this be a sign? Dear Lord I hoped so.
I had so many scriptures I was standing on. Esp. "Delight in the Lord and your hearts desire shall be given you." Well I was delighted wtih the Lord, I thought so it looks bad, He will not allow this to happen. Afther all He had heard my prayers and placed this angel in my care. He would never let them take her from me.
That day, I was told it would be best I not attend the hearing. I now know why. I would of been in tears and not helped. Plus there were things I will never know about that day.
So my cousin and I were on our knees praying continuously throughout the hearing. We waited and waited, as the case worker and the GAL both promised to call as soon as court was over.
The phone rang. It was the GAL, and then the phone beeped it was the case worker. It was bad. The judge had allowed the atty for the parents and JM to go on and on for over two hours. When it came time for the GAL and the case worker to take the stand the judge actually overruled without even hearing them and stated, "I have heard enough, reunification shall be the goal." This was not acceptalbe in a court of law,It was not legal to not allow the other side to have their say, but JM and the judge were friends. See how clever the atty for the parents was...she knew all this and was also able to convince this higher up that she, not the atty for the parents had suggested to bring in JM. Of course the worker went along...then she would look so good to the agency she wanted a position with. Bbut I was helpless. I was also devestated. I remember turning to my cousin and saying, "I don't understand, we prayed, where is God? Why is HE allowing this to happen?"
So now the future was looking very bad for Annie and myself. She was going to be taken from me and placed with these nasty, sick, abusive, violent, drug addicts. I was helpless and beginning to feel hopeless.
TO BE CONTINUED:
again, i cannot go on....too painful to go through anymore reliving this period. I will pick up again later.
thanks for your patience, JC 评论 (9)
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