Did you ever pray a prayer over and over, so many times hoping against all that it would be answered but deep down thinking it reallly is not possible. Well I did. This is the story of how the impossible became possible in my life.

I had just divorced husband #2. I had waited over a decade to re marry. If you read my previous blogs, then you know the story of my first husband, how it ended and that after that I decided to turn the page, start a new chapter, do the one thing I wanted to, but since I had married did not think I ever could. I moved to California. It was great. The next decade was a jumble of fun times, moving, new friends, wild partying, traveling and just living la dolce vita: the good life. One big fun party.

While it lasted I must say those were some of the best chapters in the book of me. But like all parties, it had to end.

I was at an age when all  my friends and family I had grown up with and met along the way were parents. I had always thought I would be happily married with at least 3 kids by this time. But reality is not always the same as dreams. Suddenly I realized if I wanted to make the dream of parenthood a reality I had to get the ball rolling. 

That is the reason  I quickly jumped into a marriage that was doomed from the beginning. I thought, well I will have a baby or two with this man, and if it does not work, well for me that was worth it. One little problem....I found out, through many surgeries that I was unable to get pregnant unless I used the artifical insemination process. Well my marriage was at the point of disaster. My hubby was a drunk and drug addict and he had been binging for months. So I left.

I bought this home and stayed in my career, earning very good money, furnishing this home with beautiful things, and for the most part I was happy.

But still something was missing. I can still remember when my co worker Shelly came to spend a weekend and she stated just how beautiful my home was and the furnishings so lovely.  "Here you are JC, with white carpet, pink leather couches, glass tables and house beautiful...but you are all alone."  That hurt. That put things into perspective for me. I so wanted to be a mommy. I so wanted to have a precious little one who loved me, who I could nurture, care for, love. A child who only wants mommy when the boo boos come. A child of my own. My own little family. So I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed.

I felt He led me to be a foster / adopt mommy while I waited for the right child to be placed into my home forever.

It is kinda funny how it happened. See I waited one year for an adoption placement and realized during that time, the only way I would get a placement to adopt was to foster. I had the love, I had the resources, I had the home, I just did not have the child.

The last night of my liscensing for foster the social worker asked if I was interested in taking two sisters. They had been placed with a relative in Georgia, but that placement had not worked out. Well I told him I wanted to think about it. I had really wanted only one child to start plus I was told the girls were ages 6 and 7 and I really wanted a younger child. Even though this was to be a foster, not adoption placement I had to think and pray about it.

Well the next day I still was not sure so I called the Department to inquire a little more about the girls. Well the worker I spoke with was the another placement co-ordinator and he told me, oh dear, these are not girls, they are boys. Okay. Then he went on to tell me they were not 6 and 7, they were 7 and 9 and both boys had a birthday coming up within the next two weeks. So suddenly they were two boys ages 8 and 10...I knew right away this was not right for me. So I thanked him for considering my home, but stated I really wanted to wait for a child of less age and perhaps only one for my first.

That very day I received a phone call that was to change my life forever. It was another placement co-ordinator, would I be interested in a very cute 9 month old girl...."say no more" I stated and I drove straight to the Department.

They were all so happy to see me witth such excitment and so happy to have a child in my care. They stated they wished all the foster parents were so enthusiastic.

I can still remember exactly the first moment I saw her. She was precious. Her hair was growing in, she had big green eyes, she was cherub chubby and was sitting on a worker's lap drinking a bottle of juice. I was beyond happy. I was thrilled to say the least. Then to add the icing to this cake more than three workers that day told me this child will never be allowed to go back to the bio parents as they had a long history of child abuse and had lost permanent parental rights to four other children. One of these four was one of the Departments worse abuse case. So this little girl, I was told, was to be my foster/adopt child. Oh the joy. They loaned me a car seat and I remember driving home with this baby, I kept looking back and tickling her toes as I drove and her smile was so beautiful.

Her name was Anne Marie,: Annie. I just knew He was answering my prayers. My aunt, who was my favorite, had passed many years ago was also Anne Marie plus I had been adopted and my placement with my parents was also at nine months. Surely these were signs from Him.

I have to say those first few weeks, months were heavenly. I would drop to my knees in worship. I was beyond happy, I was in Awe of my Father in Heaven...He truly cared, He truly loved me. I could not believe that He had heard, He had answered, I was worthy. I could not believe this Blessing. I was beyond any emotion that I could describe. I was instantly in love. My baby, my baby my sweet little baby, I love you. That was one of the many many songs I sang to her. My angel, my little cherub, my child, my baby, my family to be.

That is all I can write at this time. I wil continue the story. It is a story of joy and the most awful pain I have ever endured in my life. I do not wish to leave a cliffhanger, but emotionally this is the first time I have written this out and it is somewhat difficult. I hope that either later today, this eve, or tomorrow I will able to write another chapter in the book of me plus Annie. Just know that this was the most glorious of times in my life. And they all told me she was here to stay. I even asked one worker should I have her call me mimi, and she said, of course not...you are mommy. Wow. this was amazing. I was so very grateful to Him....I was so in love with Annie. This was just the beginning of the journey.

 

TO BE CONTINUED;