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November, 2005 Part II Best and WorseAs mentioned in my previous blog, Annie was nine months old when first placed into my care. I was told by at least three caseworkers this child was with me forever as the parents had such a history of abuse.
Well, at that time it did not appear Annie had been abused. However it was quite apparent she had been neglected. She was nine months. At nine months most kids can roll over, crawl, stand up while holding a couch or something and some, like my Chloe walk at nine months. Annie could not do any of the above. She could sit up. If I placed her in the living room on a blanket surrounded by toys and she fell back to a laying down position, not only could she not get back up, she was not able to turn over. It was rather sad. However with proper stimulation I was able to overcome these processes. Also, it was apparent that she had never been snuggled, held lovingly, actually I do not think she was ever held. Just went from crib, to bouncy seat to stroller. So when anyone picked her up her arms would not wrap around like a baby who has had the proper nurturing, she would lean back and hold her arms straight out. This was not so easy to overcome, but I worked very hard on the hugs and loving. I would hold her in my arms to give her a bottle, always keeping eye contact, and stroking her cheek, her arm, her hand and I would sing. Well I still do not know why, but that song, "Go to sleep, go to sleep go to sleep little baby" it is a lullyby (spelling?) well, whenever I started to sing that song, or the music played on one of the CD's I had she would get a very sad face and start to cry. All I can think is that song must of been playing while something bad was happening. We will never know. Her first Christmas I bought her a doll house and the baby had a bassinet that when you pressed a button it would laugh, cry mama and then play the above mentioned lullyby...and always tears. So I learned to push the button quickly through that part.
Now, let me share with you a few facts about the system and Department Of Children Services aka DCF. When someone gradutates law school in the bottom of their class, they are the ones that are hired by DCF. If someone does a bad job and a complaint is filed, that person is not fired, just moved to a different postion. It was my experience that each and every case worker, and we had so many changes throughout this time, well, they would spend most time with me complaining about them and their poor selves being over loaded with cases. Yes, this was true. The jobload was really not possible, but HELLO, I was a volunteer working 24/7 and I did not get paid. On the contrary, the $10.00 clothing allowance was a joke and then the $327.00 a month, well put in day care at 80.00 a week, do the math and see the outcome. It was over a year before someone enlightened me that DCF would pay for daycare at the registered liscensed daycares....and the worker knew I was paying from my pocket as she would pick Annie up for visits with the Bios once a week. One little example of how foster parents are the second victem, the children being the first.
Yes, Annie and her bio parents were allowed weekly visits while she was in "shelter care" that is what they call it when a child is first removed from the home until they are adjudicated to "foster".
Now, the laws were in place. There was a 1997 Children and Families Act that had in it these type of situations. It states that if a parent had previously lost parental rights involuntarily, any further children could and should be expidited to Terminate Parental Rights aka TPR. I was told for the first six months that would be the case. I believed them. I had no reason not to.
So the first six months flew by. I was so happy and Annie had come a long way. By the time her scheduled Easter Seals Evaluation came it was no longer necessary as she had caught up significantly to her age. Of course she was still delayed, but it appeared I was giving her what was needed so no intervention was necessary.
I had seen the bio parents a few times in DCF. At that time they did not know who I was. From their looks, I was a bit shocked. The dad, well he just looked like any guy from the streets, but the bio mom was disgustingly dirty. All they ever wore were flipflops, even in the winter. Her feet were not dirty, they were scummy. I could just imagine what their house had been. I also then knew why Annie smelled kinda funny or shall I say funky when she first arrived. I gave her a bath the first night.
Then the day came for a case planning. I was invited. I knew by then my rights as a foster parent and as I believed this to be my child I was certainly not going to miss anything. Well the bios did not show. But here is another tidbit. As stated the attorney for DCF was not a good one to say the least. However the attorney appointed to the bios was very very good. For us this would turn out to be very very bad. So the only ones present for the case plan was me, the guardian ad litem aka GAL (this is an attorney appointed to represent the child, a volunteer position and this was her first time doing so).Well as I said it was me, the GAL, the case worker, the atty for DCF and on speaker phone the atty for the bios. I had no idea what was to happen. First the biggest mistake; the DCF attorny stated that although there was now a law in place to expidite TPR, well he said since it had been seven years since that occured he was not "comfortalbe" with an expedited TPR. I was in shock. The case worker tried to convince him, the GAL was useless and of course the atty for the bios was quite pleased. So there we were no writing a case plan. It was a very short, rather easy plan. I later found out just how easy it was. It was approved and presented before the judge. The same judge that stated, "I know these parents personally, I was the judge that terminated their rights on the other children, but if you all agree to a case plan for reunification, okay"....SHOCKEROO!
The atty for DCF did however ask for and recieved a concurrent case plan. What that means is if the parents fail to comply with the plan, TPR is immediately the goal and so done. I was assured again, okay they do have this plan, but they will never be able to do it. Also at that time the judge allowed a request from the atty for the bios that they recieve two visits a week. As this child needs to keep a bond if she is to be returned to them in the end. I left that court room in a state of shock...I did not cry until I was alone in my car.
What was happening? How could this be? They said she was mine. They said it would be easy. It was not.
So began a two year process of a six month case plan. And during those two years Annie visited with the bios two times a week. And I, trying to be a good Christian person even went out of my way to schedule extra meetings at McDonalds and a Christmas for dinner. I just wanted to do what was right. Never thinking this would later bite me in the arse.
I even went so far to include them in the hugs I was teaching Annie. Stupid stupid stupid. I really did set it up nicely for them.
This went on for two years. One stipulation was that the bios had psych evals to establish if they were capable of parenting safely. Well the mom was and is psychotic, paranoid schitz, but at the time "stable on meds, consistantly over 5 years.) That said she alone could not care for the child as this was a disease that could show its ugly head anytime, the meds were working but might not one day and this was too high a risk. So it all came down to the dad. He was a piece of work. He is the guy that will get in front of you, stop short and then when you hit him from behind, he sues and also abuses the pain medication. He was a full fledged crack cocaine and narcotic drug abuser. He was ordered into minimum 30 day rehab. That is what the doc that did the psych evals stated and the judge had stated, on the record, that whatever this doc recommends MUST be part of the case plan. Well, this was good I thought, he will never pull this one off plus the mom could not exisit that long without her man.
Oh the things that happened, so many things that were amazingly so, that should never of been allowed.
When this dad went for his intake at the in patient clinic, he told them, his orthapedic doctor insisted he go three times a week for physcial therapy. "I will do anything they want to get my Annie back he said, but I also must get that physcial therapy." So the treatment center deemed him not a candidate for inpatient as they did not have the means to transport him to therapy. Well hearing this made those of us who wanted Annie to stay with me very happy. this was the GAL, the case worker, the Head of GAL and myself. Certainly this would be enough to change the plan to TPR.
Surprise, the atty for the bios as I stated was very good. She was able to present so well, that this poor addict was trying so hard to get better, but he is now permantly disabled and his back gives him constant pain. So there it was. Now the judge agreed to out patient, plus the medications, narcotics that were perscribed by a doctor were acceptable. CAN YOU IMAGINE.
Okay, but still they had to exemplify the ability to parent correctly certainly this would not be in their favor. Or would it?
TO BE CONTINUED: sorry I just have to stop for my own sake, I am starting to re live this time and it is very hard. I know this is therapeutic, but one day at a time...plz. be patient. thanks :D
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